I could make wine with my vomit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
