I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
