i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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