I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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