I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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