i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
