I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize