Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
