How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
