You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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