Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize