My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
