i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
