i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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