I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize