Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
