cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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