We named our party play list daddy issues
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
