There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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