Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
