Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
