also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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