we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
