How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
