Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
