I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
