Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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