i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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