Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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