we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
