I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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