Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
