How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
