how can u be prego again
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
