Betty ford says i'm here all night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
