There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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