that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we made out on top of his cat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
