3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
