I heard we made out
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
