i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my being single is dangerous.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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