The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
