You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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