There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
