I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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