Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
