im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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