If i come over, it means nothing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
