if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"it" just moved
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
