You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
