You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
