I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
