He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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