is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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