Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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