Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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