Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
