waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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