I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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