I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
