wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize