i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
