I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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