i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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