I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
