I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
