Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
