oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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