also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
