yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
