alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's never too late to be topless.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
