i just google imaged poop.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
