dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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