we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
