Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
