How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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