Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
