He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
