Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
