So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
