I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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