i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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