so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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