We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
