We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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