dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
