i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
