well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
