Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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