I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
