i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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