My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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