I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
