i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
