my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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