Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
