By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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