wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
