This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
