My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
