and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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