We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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