Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize