In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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