its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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