I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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