i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
