New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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