But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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